Liminal Woman
Notes from the in-between 🌫️
Every woman I know is in between something.
In between working and retiring. In between raising kids and letting them go. In between the body and mind she recognizes and a new one she some days doesn’t. In between sadness and joy. In between marriages, birthdays, seasons, even identities.
My in-between is more a remembering. Or maybe, a recreating.
For the past near two decades I’ve measured my life by my summers.
This is the summer of field trips, museums, pools, zoos and friend’s houses to keep my kids entertained and myself sane.
This is the summer my boys started beating the crap out of each other for sport and then watching movies together cuddled up on the couch.
This is the summer when the kids could go to the neighborhood pool without my supervision.
This is the summer my kids all got to go to overnight camp.
This summer is already different. A mere two days in…
I plan our family dinners on the weekend and food shop for the week. Cooking is a way I offer love. But lately, I’ll make a big meal, wait for my honey to get home, and realize, yet again, it’ll be just the two of us.
Smashed burgers with all the toppings, fries and a salad, left untended on plates around the table.
One kiddo is here, another is there, another will be late. Like 10pm late. Can you please put it in the fridge?
Come dusk, Luke and I look around the kitchen, and back at each other as if in shock. Wanna go on another hike?
It’s a lovely situation to be in, more time to myself. One I yearned for when I had babies and toddlers sitting on my lap even in the loo.
But in the quiet, in this new space, I have not yet figured out what to place there. Or who I am this time.
A liminal woman.
This is who I am.
It is not quite sadness, and not quite joy. A tender ache, but a budding glimmer of what may be possible now.
I just don’t know it yet.
I spoke with a dear friend on the phone yesterday about our current stage of mothering. “It’s like we get to be the main character in our lives again!” I loved how she said it. I hadn’t thought of it like that. I’d gotten so comfy playing supporting role.
I have been the master of ceremonies for so many years. I am good at schedules, at fitting it all in, balancing the many things, and still making a delish meal at the end of the day.
But I feel myself an edge dweller again, staring off the face of the cliffs like I did in Ireland a few years back, hair whipping in the wind.
No answers. No clear plans. Just breathing the salty openness.
To read more of my work or check out my offerings, please see my website. xxo
I can so relate. Thank you for this.
Yes, always in-between - what was, what is and whatever will or can be💙